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HIMYM Drabble-Thing: Daddy Issues (Barney/Ted) - FRAO/NC-17 (to be safe)
Title: Daddy Issues
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Pairing: Barney/Ted
Rating/Warnings: NC-17/FRAO (to be safe); talk of daddy!kink/sexual situations, sexual language but the actual sex part is only implied. Also, humor/crack
Summary: Barney believes he knows why Ted would make him the star of any and all gay dreams.
Setting: Post-Season 4 “The Three Day Rule”
Word Count: 343
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jerseystrife. Please let me know if you spot any spelling/grammar errors.
A/N: I wrote this in about 15 minutes while I was bored at work.
“Theodore Mosby…I know your deepest darkest secret but you have my solemn boy-scout promise that it will not leave these lips. No matter how delightful it would be to see Marshall’s big boy tears when he realizes that he could never be the star of your gay dreams.”
“Barney, that was a jo--”
“Silence, Ted. Denying it just makes it harder. I can’t blame you for wanting me, Ted. You have daddy issues. And that’s hot.”
“I have…daddy issues. That's your great conclusion as to why I’d pick you if the robots wanted to make us get with each other?”
“It’s so obvious, Ted. You show all the signs. You drink excessively. You can’t keep down one woman despite your desperate need to commit. You have been reaching out to me all this time, needing me to be your teacher, needing me to lead you through life.”
“I don’t need you to--”
“Yes you do, Ted. You’ve needed me to be the father that you never had. The one you feel safe telling your kinky secrets to….”
“Barney--”
“Don’t give me that look, Ted. I know there’s a raging boy-slut inside that fabulously toned body of yours. And I bet you’re just itching to be pulled over my lap when you’re being a bad boy just so I can spank your ass until it burns with a red glow. You wanna make me feel your thick, little cock rubbing against my thighs as you try not to get turned on.”
“Barney, seriously--”
“You wanna call me daddy, don’t you, Ted?”
“I don’t want--”
“Seriously, Ted. Stop fighting this. Let me give you what you need. I’d be so good for you, baby. Could satisfy all of your desires.”
“Fine, I’ll stop--if you just--”
“Let you suck my dick like a lollipop? Of course, Teddy-boy. It’ll be our little secret.”
As Ted nodded his acquiescence, he realized that maybe the gay dreams line wasn’t a load of total crap after all. He hated it when Barney was right.
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Pairing: Barney/Ted
Rating/Warnings: NC-17/FRAO (to be safe); talk of daddy!kink/sexual situations, sexual language but the actual sex part is only implied. Also, humor/crack
Summary: Barney believes he knows why Ted would make him the star of any and all gay dreams.
Setting: Post-Season 4 “The Three Day Rule”
Word Count: 343
Beta:
jerseystrife. Please let me know if you spot any spelling/grammar errors.A/N: I wrote this in about 15 minutes while I was bored at work.
“Theodore Mosby…I know your deepest darkest secret but you have my solemn boy-scout promise that it will not leave these lips. No matter how delightful it would be to see Marshall’s big boy tears when he realizes that he could never be the star of your gay dreams.”
“Barney, that was a jo--”
“Silence, Ted. Denying it just makes it harder. I can’t blame you for wanting me, Ted. You have daddy issues. And that’s hot.”
“I have…daddy issues. That's your great conclusion as to why I’d pick you if the robots wanted to make us get with each other?”
“It’s so obvious, Ted. You show all the signs. You drink excessively. You can’t keep down one woman despite your desperate need to commit. You have been reaching out to me all this time, needing me to be your teacher, needing me to lead you through life.”
“I don’t need you to--”
“Yes you do, Ted. You’ve needed me to be the father that you never had. The one you feel safe telling your kinky secrets to….”
“Barney--”
“Don’t give me that look, Ted. I know there’s a raging boy-slut inside that fabulously toned body of yours. And I bet you’re just itching to be pulled over my lap when you’re being a bad boy just so I can spank your ass until it burns with a red glow. You wanna make me feel your thick, little cock rubbing against my thighs as you try not to get turned on.”
“Barney, seriously--”
“You wanna call me daddy, don’t you, Ted?”
“I don’t want--”
“Seriously, Ted. Stop fighting this. Let me give you what you need. I’d be so good for you, baby. Could satisfy all of your desires.”
“Fine, I’ll stop--if you just--”
“Let you suck my dick like a lollipop? Of course, Teddy-boy. It’ll be our little secret.”
As Ted nodded his acquiescence, he realized that maybe the gay dreams line wasn’t a load of total crap after all. He hated it when Barney was right.
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This was great, hun. :)
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I just do.
Also, you are awesome. Love.
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I mean, you can't go wrong with Barney seducing Ted by talking about spankings and daddy issues.
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Thank you, darling :)
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Okay... back to work on MMOM fic number 4.
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Glad you enjoyed it.
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I've got a Human AU! Buffy ficlet coming out this weekend that's all about self pleasure (and dirty!bad!wrong stuff)
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http://community.livejournal.com/mmom/323794.html
Not to mention this little piece of little pervert Billy that smacks of wrong yet awesomeness that was the first MMOM written.
http://community.livejournal.com/mmom/310697.html
Because the Freeze Ray makes panty raids that much easier. His name does in end -ly. Which makes him a slut in denial.
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Sad you're gonna be gone a lot this weekend though. I'm having so much fun with our dirrty, smexxxy dream fic.
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I love Barney's mind. And Ted's denial at the beginning made me giggle, but of course he'd give in in the end!
Awesome love!
xxx
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Glad you liked it :)
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Fab, as always. :D
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Thanks hun!
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Ted's totally gotta have some. His parents don't talk to him about anything.