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snoggedTitle: Subject to Interpretation
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own How I Met Your Mother. I don't. Please don't sue.
Pairing: College!Barney and College!Ted
Word Count: 1246
Rating: NC-17/FRAO; smut, male slash, blowjobs, adult language
Spoilers: This story is AU because we all know that Ted and Barney never went to college together. But the story does link into the character’s backgrounds so “Game Night” and any episode featuring College!Ted.
Summary: What do you get when you cross a pretentious smartass and a peace-loving hippie?
Beta: The impeccable![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rockstarpeach
A/N: written forjerseystrife who requested the pairing and the First Official HIMYM Smut Duel.
The keys on the keyboard made magic beneath his fingers; each note professing peace, love, and harmony. It was a message that could not be ignored, would not be ignored. And as the people inside Viva La Mocha got up to leave, he believed they would take his message to the streets.
“Sweet tunes, man.” A gangly man with dark, curly hair and designer black frames slid into place beside him, tracing his fingers over the black keys, and dangerously close to where Barney’s fingers were on the white ones. “I’m Ted.”
“Barney. You a college student?”
“Yeah. Philosophy. As Nietzsche once said, ‘All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.’” Ted’s fingers brushed across Barney’s and Barney shivered from the electric spark.
A smile twitched at the corners of Ted's lips as Barney responded to his flirtation. It was good to know that the lines of the greatest philosophers were better than the average pick-up line. That type of come-on was beneath him. Ted cocked his head and pursed his lips. He had to acknowledge that this long-haired beatnik was quite sexy and the idea of possible experimentation and exploration was heating up the pit of his stomach.
“That’s beautiful,” Barney mused, focusing his eyes on the soft curve of Ted’s lip. As an interpretation of this thing, Barney’s tongue darted out, licking the soft, pliant flesh of his own lips. Why was it suddenly so tempting to pull him into the back room and kiss him? They had only just met and he was with Shannon and he was planning to stay a virgin till he was married, but maybe sex with boys didn’t have to count… “Mind if I put it in my ‘zine? I’m journalism major.”
“Not at all, Barney.” Ted paused for a minute, feeling the awkwardness of their situation drift between them. “So, Barney…”
“Yes, Ted?” Barney whispered, hoping that Ted was feeling the same way he was. Why else would he be spouting philosophy and making excuses to touch him? It was clear that he was not the only one wanting.
“Let’s say we move this conversation to a more private locale?” Ted offered, a raw and husky edge in his tone.
Barney nodded, letting out a deep exhale. This was exactly what he wanted.
They quietly slipped into the back room. Surrounded by shelves of espresso beans and sugar packets, Barney could feel the weight of his cock as it hardened and pushed against his jeans. His body was slipping into take-no-prisoners mode and before he knew it, his lips were on Ted’s. The force of the kiss sent them tumbling into a rack of creamers and Ted felt the spatters of cold half and half soak into his shirt and his skin.
“Looks like I’ll be taking my clothes off,” Ted replied, nonchalantly. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossing it on the floor beside them.
Barney’s fingers moved to trace the hard, muscular planes of Ted’s chest, feeling the muscles twitch and flex under his ministrations. He pressed his lips to Ted’s and pushed his pelvis forward, rubbing his denim-clad cock against the bulge in Ted’s pants. The friction was enough to drive him out of his mind. Made him want to come right then and there like some twelve year old boy with no self-restraint.
“Ted,” Barney grunted, as Ted’s tongue slipped into his mouth and pressed down on Barney’s tongue, holding it there for five seconds. Barney knew implicitly that in this game, he would be the bitch.
Barney’s hands traveled down Ted’s sides, slipping passed the waistband of Ted’s jeans and moving them until he found the clasp. Ted shivered as Barney manipulated the button and pulled down the zipper, letting the metal teeth slowly separate.
“Fuck,” Ted murmured, feeling Barney’s mouth leave his, feeling the blond’s body move down the length of his until Barney’s knees hit the floor.
Barney scooted Ted’s pants further down his ankles and his mouth covered the silk fabric of Ted’s boxers, his warm breath seeping through the fabric. He could smell the musky aroma, could smell the testosterone, could smell the raw need for sex. He had never given a blow job before but as a high school student, he had found a porno tape his mom had hidden in the The Last Unicorn box. It had certainly given him a clue as to what was required.
Ted rocked his hips, thrusting against the air as Barney finished stripping him. Then, Ted brushed the tip of his cock against Barney’s lips. Barney moaned and looked up at Ted through hooded lashes, lust burning in his eyes. His lips latched onto the head and he swirled his tongue around the tip. His hand encircled the base of Ted’s erection, tugging and pulling with sweet, short strokes.
Ted groaned, leaning his back against the rack of spilled creamer, letting the sticky substance rub into his skin. His fingers curled into Barney’s long locks and if it wasn’t for the pure masculinity of the situation, he’d almost swear Barney could be a woman.
Barney laved his tongue across the small veins of the shaft and he rested his hands against Ted’s thighs, feeling the toned muscles clench from exertion. He licked and sucked Ted’s dick before finally forcing his mouth to swallow the whole of it. Ted’s pubic hairs tickled his nose but he didn’t give a shit.
Ted felt his balls draw up, and his fingers clenched Barney’s hair tighter as his orgasm hit him, pounding against his system like a torrential rain storm. “Fuck!” He was getting sucked in the backroom of a coffee shop and he didn’t give a rat’s ass who heard him.
The thick, milky strands of come hit the back of Barney’s throat, and he was determined to swallow every last bit. Whatever was coming out of Ted tasted like a fucking aphrodisiac. He could swear up, down, and sideways that he had never tasted anything that amazing before.
Before he could rise to his feet, Ted dropped down to the floor beside him. Their lips moved together into a sensual yet demanding kiss. It was as if Ted was desperate to taste himself on Barney’s tongue and Barney didn’t mind that one bit.
They stayed in the kiss for a few minutes, arms locked around each other in a tight embrace.
When Barney finally pulled away, he flashed a sweet grin at Ted. “You’re gonna need a new shirt.”
Ted shrugged. “As John Berger once said: ‘Nakedness reveals itself. Nudity is placed on display. The nude is condemned to never being naked. Nudity is a form of dress.’ How ‘bout a cup of coffee instead?”
Barney frowned. He certainly would prefer Ted to remain naked but his sense of duty as an employee was also shifting back into his lust-fogged brain. “But we have a no shirt, no service policy.”
Ted’s face broke into a wide grin. “Policies are for simpletons, my friend. You’ve got to live a little.”
Barney nodded. Ted was right. And maybe, some day, Ted could teach him how to do just that.
In the meantime though, he planned on having a cup of Joe with side of Ted as many days of the week as possible. And the back room was going to get awfully dirty so a mop couldn’t hurt either.
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own How I Met Your Mother. I don't. Please don't sue.
Pairing: College!Barney and College!Ted
Word Count: 1246
Rating: NC-17/FRAO; smut, male slash, blowjobs, adult language
Spoilers: This story is AU because we all know that Ted and Barney never went to college together. But the story does link into the character’s backgrounds so “Game Night” and any episode featuring College!Ted.
Summary: What do you get when you cross a pretentious smartass and a peace-loving hippie?
Beta: The impeccable
rockstarpeachA/N: written for
jerseystrife who requested the pairing and the First Official HIMYM Smut Duel.The keys on the keyboard made magic beneath his fingers; each note professing peace, love, and harmony. It was a message that could not be ignored, would not be ignored. And as the people inside Viva La Mocha got up to leave, he believed they would take his message to the streets.
“Sweet tunes, man.” A gangly man with dark, curly hair and designer black frames slid into place beside him, tracing his fingers over the black keys, and dangerously close to where Barney’s fingers were on the white ones. “I’m Ted.”
“Barney. You a college student?”
“Yeah. Philosophy. As Nietzsche once said, ‘All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.’” Ted’s fingers brushed across Barney’s and Barney shivered from the electric spark.
A smile twitched at the corners of Ted's lips as Barney responded to his flirtation. It was good to know that the lines of the greatest philosophers were better than the average pick-up line. That type of come-on was beneath him. Ted cocked his head and pursed his lips. He had to acknowledge that this long-haired beatnik was quite sexy and the idea of possible experimentation and exploration was heating up the pit of his stomach.
“That’s beautiful,” Barney mused, focusing his eyes on the soft curve of Ted’s lip. As an interpretation of this thing, Barney’s tongue darted out, licking the soft, pliant flesh of his own lips. Why was it suddenly so tempting to pull him into the back room and kiss him? They had only just met and he was with Shannon and he was planning to stay a virgin till he was married, but maybe sex with boys didn’t have to count… “Mind if I put it in my ‘zine? I’m journalism major.”
“Not at all, Barney.” Ted paused for a minute, feeling the awkwardness of their situation drift between them. “So, Barney…”
“Yes, Ted?” Barney whispered, hoping that Ted was feeling the same way he was. Why else would he be spouting philosophy and making excuses to touch him? It was clear that he was not the only one wanting.
“Let’s say we move this conversation to a more private locale?” Ted offered, a raw and husky edge in his tone.
Barney nodded, letting out a deep exhale. This was exactly what he wanted.
They quietly slipped into the back room. Surrounded by shelves of espresso beans and sugar packets, Barney could feel the weight of his cock as it hardened and pushed against his jeans. His body was slipping into take-no-prisoners mode and before he knew it, his lips were on Ted’s. The force of the kiss sent them tumbling into a rack of creamers and Ted felt the spatters of cold half and half soak into his shirt and his skin.
“Looks like I’ll be taking my clothes off,” Ted replied, nonchalantly. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossing it on the floor beside them.
Barney’s fingers moved to trace the hard, muscular planes of Ted’s chest, feeling the muscles twitch and flex under his ministrations. He pressed his lips to Ted’s and pushed his pelvis forward, rubbing his denim-clad cock against the bulge in Ted’s pants. The friction was enough to drive him out of his mind. Made him want to come right then and there like some twelve year old boy with no self-restraint.
“Ted,” Barney grunted, as Ted’s tongue slipped into his mouth and pressed down on Barney’s tongue, holding it there for five seconds. Barney knew implicitly that in this game, he would be the bitch.
Barney’s hands traveled down Ted’s sides, slipping passed the waistband of Ted’s jeans and moving them until he found the clasp. Ted shivered as Barney manipulated the button and pulled down the zipper, letting the metal teeth slowly separate.
“Fuck,” Ted murmured, feeling Barney’s mouth leave his, feeling the blond’s body move down the length of his until Barney’s knees hit the floor.
Barney scooted Ted’s pants further down his ankles and his mouth covered the silk fabric of Ted’s boxers, his warm breath seeping through the fabric. He could smell the musky aroma, could smell the testosterone, could smell the raw need for sex. He had never given a blow job before but as a high school student, he had found a porno tape his mom had hidden in the The Last Unicorn box. It had certainly given him a clue as to what was required.
Ted rocked his hips, thrusting against the air as Barney finished stripping him. Then, Ted brushed the tip of his cock against Barney’s lips. Barney moaned and looked up at Ted through hooded lashes, lust burning in his eyes. His lips latched onto the head and he swirled his tongue around the tip. His hand encircled the base of Ted’s erection, tugging and pulling with sweet, short strokes.
Ted groaned, leaning his back against the rack of spilled creamer, letting the sticky substance rub into his skin. His fingers curled into Barney’s long locks and if it wasn’t for the pure masculinity of the situation, he’d almost swear Barney could be a woman.
Barney laved his tongue across the small veins of the shaft and he rested his hands against Ted’s thighs, feeling the toned muscles clench from exertion. He licked and sucked Ted’s dick before finally forcing his mouth to swallow the whole of it. Ted’s pubic hairs tickled his nose but he didn’t give a shit.
Ted felt his balls draw up, and his fingers clenched Barney’s hair tighter as his orgasm hit him, pounding against his system like a torrential rain storm. “Fuck!” He was getting sucked in the backroom of a coffee shop and he didn’t give a rat’s ass who heard him.
The thick, milky strands of come hit the back of Barney’s throat, and he was determined to swallow every last bit. Whatever was coming out of Ted tasted like a fucking aphrodisiac. He could swear up, down, and sideways that he had never tasted anything that amazing before.
Before he could rise to his feet, Ted dropped down to the floor beside him. Their lips moved together into a sensual yet demanding kiss. It was as if Ted was desperate to taste himself on Barney’s tongue and Barney didn’t mind that one bit.
They stayed in the kiss for a few minutes, arms locked around each other in a tight embrace.
When Barney finally pulled away, he flashed a sweet grin at Ted. “You’re gonna need a new shirt.”
Ted shrugged. “As John Berger once said: ‘Nakedness reveals itself. Nudity is placed on display. The nude is condemned to never being naked. Nudity is a form of dress.’ How ‘bout a cup of coffee instead?”
Barney frowned. He certainly would prefer Ted to remain naked but his sense of duty as an employee was also shifting back into his lust-fogged brain. “But we have a no shirt, no service policy.”
Ted’s face broke into a wide grin. “Policies are for simpletons, my friend. You’ve got to live a little.”
Barney nodded. Ted was right. And maybe, some day, Ted could teach him how to do just that.
In the meantime though, he planned on having a cup of Joe with side of Ted as many days of the week as possible. And the back room was going to get awfully dirty so a mop couldn’t hurt either.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2009-02-16 09:26 pm (UTC)Pretentious!Ted is so awesome with Granola!Barney.
It's so interesting to see how Ted and Barney have changed since college even if this isn't what really happened in the show. Their philosophies have changed so much!
Plus, the smut was pretty hot too. No denying that. Nothing could top a nice quick blow in the backroom of a coffee shop. Mmm, nice.
A good start to this smut battle!
no subject
on 2009-02-16 09:38 pm (UTC)I gotta agree with you. Barney and Ted have changed quite a bit. Sometimes, especially in those Dr. X sketches, I swear college!Ted's lust for women is on par with current Barney
I'm glad I could make this hot for you :)
no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:38 pm (UTC)Good start to the smut duel!
Hehehe, college Ted cracks me up!
>“But we have a no shirt, no service policy.”
Heh, Barney does have a thing for rules - even if he sets them himself as he "learns how to live"
no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:48 pm (UTC)>They had only just met and he was with Shannon and he was planning to stay a virgin till he was married, but maybe sex with boys didn’t have to count…
Nice way out of that one.
>“Mind if I put it in my ‘zine? I’m journalism major.”
Ooo, snap. Bet he'd have a lot to talk to Robin about... ;-)
no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 10:56 pm (UTC)I thought the beginning was a bit rushed, but otherwise this was great. I love Barney and Ted's role reversal, especially the bit at the end about learning how to live. Plus, you know, Barney/Ted porn. No complaints there. I love how you can take the most cracktastic ideas and make them work so well. I really enjoyed this. :D
no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:31 pm (UTC)Glad you liked
no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:32 pm (UTC)Sure would :)
no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:34 pm (UTC)What can I say...I was in the mood for smut and I like getting there really damn quickly sometimes.
Thank you!
no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:34 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:36 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-16 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:21 am (UTC)your pretentious college ted voice was perfect, and the little details you threw in about Barney made this even better.
loved!
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:27 am (UTC)Glad you liked my pretentious college ted voice. It was fun to find good quotes for him.
*hugs*
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:32 am (UTC)I'd talked about a really awesome piece with idioticonion, but now am nervous about posting it!
;)
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:40 am (UTC)You should post it!
I mean this whole duel is about having fun and getting new stories out there, right?
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:41 am (UTC)whooof. give me a day to get over the AWESOME that is pretentious!ted/granola!barney
i'm to overwhelmed by the epic to post right now ;)
also, it needs a proofread. lol.
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:44 am (UTC)I'll give you a day then.
*squishes*
I eagerly await the hotness that I know you can produce
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:47 am (UTC)wonder how it's going to go over.
*ponders.*
it's a bit different.
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:48 am (UTC)You have a great writing style
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:59 am (UTC)you're wonderful!
no subject
on 2009-02-17 01:03 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-17 01:07 am (UTC)ok I need to stop now, because I'm working on psych. I can't properly psychoanalyze Barney Stinson if overwhelmed by awwww feelings =)
no subject
on 2009-02-17 12:52 pm (UTC)And awesomely smut-tastic as per usge.
no subject
on 2009-02-17 03:08 pm (UTC)It was fun to try the boys from a different angle
no subject
on 2009-02-18 02:07 am (UTC)Of course Barney's mom has porn!! Unicorn reference to H&K sequel? ;P
>Ted shrugged. “As John Berger once said: ‘Nakedness reveals itself. Nudity is placed on display. The nude is condemned to never being naked. Nudity is a form of dress.’ How ‘bout a cup of coffee instead?”
THIS IS WHY I BOTHER TO READ YOUR SLASH SMUT! There's philosophical truths in there, yes there is! Woo!
>“But we have a no shirt, no service policy.”
Ok, you're KILLING me now!!! LOL
no subject
on 2009-02-18 02:10 am (UTC)*g* That was the best quote I could have found. Seriously.
*squishes*
no subject
on 2009-02-27 06:58 am (UTC)Not a bathroom
no subject
on 2009-03-19 12:21 am (UTC)This makes me kinda hot. Is that okay?
no subject
on 2009-03-19 01:41 am (UTC)Did you get the chance to read the sequel yet?
no subject
on 2009-03-19 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-03-19 03:25 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-05-11 03:59 am (UTC)By the way, who is that in your icon?
no subject
on 2009-05-11 02:07 pm (UTC)He's also in Leverage
And oh yeah, he's a sex god!!!
no subject
on 2009-05-14 01:18 am (UTC)IS THAT ELIOT? *gasp*
I totally didn't recognize him! Dx I feel like an idiot. D:
And he's my favorite character too! Gah! I blame it on the stress of finals.
I can't believe I didn't -- oh man. lol, Sorry, I kinda freaked out there. ^^;; *sheepish* (I'm not crazy... [; lol)
Is your icon from a promo pic, or is that the character from Angel?
(I want to watch that show, but I'd have to see it from the first episode, which is probably what I'm going to do this summer.)
no subject
on 2009-05-14 02:42 pm (UTC)Because yes, Christian Kane does play Eliot on Leverage and he's oh so HAWT!
My icon is from a promo pic for something. I don't think it's Angel or Leverage though.
no subject
on 2009-05-15 03:11 am (UTC)Hell yeah, he is! ♥ *laughs*
I love how you made it look like he's wearing a T-Shirt with your name on it. *grin*
no subject
on 2009-05-15 04:35 am (UTC)While I do make icons, I certainly can't claim that one.
I can claim this one though :)