HIMYM Drabble-Thing: Daddy Issues (Barney/Ted) - FRAO/NC-17 (to be safe)

[snogged]

Title: Daddy Issues
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Pairing: Barney/Ted
Rating/Warnings: NC-17/FRAO (to be safe); talk of daddy!kink/sexual situations, sexual language but the actual sex part is only implied. Also, humor/crack
Summary: Barney believes he knows why Ted would make him the star of any and all gay dreams.
Setting: Post-Season 4 “The Three Day Rule”
Word Count: 343
Beta: jerseystrife. Please let me know if you spot any spelling/grammar errors.
A/N: I wrote this in about 15 minutes while I was bored at work.



“Theodore Mosby…I know your deepest darkest secret but you have my solemn boy-scout promise that it will not leave these lips. No matter how delightful it would be to see Marshall’s big boy tears when he realizes that he could never be the star of your gay dreams.”

“Barney, that was a jo--”

“Silence, Ted. Denying it just makes it harder. I can’t blame you for wanting me, Ted. You have daddy issues. And that’s hot.”

“I have…daddy issues. That's your great conclusion as to why I’d pick you if the robots wanted to make us get with each other?”

“It’s so obvious, Ted. You show all the signs. You drink excessively. You can’t keep down one woman despite your desperate need to commit. You have been reaching out to me all this time, needing me to be your teacher, needing me to lead you through life.”

“I don’t need you to--”

“Yes you do, Ted. You’ve needed me to be the father that you never had. The one you feel safe telling your kinky secrets to….”

“Barney--”

“Don’t give me that look, Ted. I know there’s a raging boy-slut inside that fabulously toned body of yours. And I bet you’re just itching to be pulled over my lap when you’re being a bad boy just so I can spank your ass until it burns with a red glow. You wanna make me feel your thick, little cock rubbing against my thighs as you try not to get turned on.”

“Barney, seriously--”

“You wanna call me daddy, don’t you, Ted?”

“I don’t want--”

“Seriously, Ted. Stop fighting this. Let me give you what you need. I’d be so good for you, baby. Could satisfy all of your desires.”

“Fine, I’ll stop--if you just--”

“Let you suck my dick like a lollipop? Of course, Teddy-boy. It’ll be our little secret.”

As Ted nodded his acquiescence, he realized that maybe the gay dreams line wasn’t a load of total crap after all. He hated it when Barney was right.

Comments

[fifteenminutes.livejournal.com]

Oh, Barney. He knows exactly what Ted wants.
This was great, hun. :)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it, sweetie :)

[secondmezzanine.livejournal.com]

WHY DO I FIND TED/BARNEY DIRTY TALK SO HOT?!

I just do.

Also, you are awesome. Love.

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Because it is :)

I mean, you can't go wrong with Barney seducing Ted by talking about spankings and daddy issues.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

i'm well aware of my own personal daddy issues, and through this whole thing i was wishing he was talking to me :P heheh... so unbelievably hot :) very well done, love :)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

Thank you, darling :)

[lilithisbitter.livejournal.com]

Barney knows that 83% of people are attracted to him sexually. Guys included, the others haven't realized this face yet. Mmmm... hot and sexy.

Okay... back to work on MMOM fic number 4.

[idioticonion.livejournal.com]

Ooo, you posted it! Awesome! Sorry I didn't reply to your email last night. And I'm going to be gone quite a bit this weekend too. Bugger.

[jasonsnene.livejournal.com]

You can never go wrong with Daddy issues. That's all I'm sayin....*g*

[zoesmith.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm oh Ted./Barney daddy!kink yum yum!
I love Barney's mind. And Ted's denial at the beginning made me giggle, but of course he'd give in in the end!

Awesome love!

xxx

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Thanks darling!

Glad you liked it :)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Daddy issues are hot :)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

It's all right, sweetie

Sad you're gonna be gone a lot this weekend though. I'm having so much fun with our dirrty, smexxxy dream fic.

[snogged.livejournal.com]

thanks hun!

Glad you enjoyed it.

[lilithisbitter.livejournal.com]

I feel a little bit dirty on Merry Month of Masturbation fic number four since it explains how all of that semen got on the back seat in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. I mean... so far I've done StealthPervert!Billy watching Penny take a shower, Hair Vain Ted, and Rocked by a Quake Lily (Because it's canon, booyah). This is like the third one in which an NPH!character features. Snogged, join me in the MMOM celebrations! Viva la self love.

[otempora42.livejournal.com]

Haha. I love it when porn makes me giggle. As well as being hot.

Fab, as always. :D

[roland44.livejournal.com]

Ooooh I love me some Ted and Barney, and wow you totally nailed B's logic with the whole Daddy Issues theory! =D I am in lovvvve with Josh/Ted so much right now it isn't funny.

[snogged.livejournal.com]

I will certainly try to do some MMOM celebrating.

I've got a Human AU! Buffy ficlet coming out this weekend that's all about self pleasure (and dirty!bad!wrong stuff)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

I like it when porn makes me giggle too :)

Thanks hun!

[snogged.livejournal.com]

YAY! I'm so glad you think I nailed Barney's logic on the Daddy Issues theory.

Ted's totally gotta have some. His parents don't talk to him about anything.

[lilithisbitter.livejournal.com]

I've already finished the HK!Neil Patrick Harris/The Backseat of Harold's Car. I think I'm the only person who used autofellatio during MMOM 09. But look at how bendy he is... how well hung he is... he could do it. But I'm pretty sure I am going to hell for this. No big deal, was planning to conquer the world in 2012... you should have seen that one coming... I'm the one the Mayan calender was warning about.

http://community.livejournal.com/mmom/323794.html

Not to mention this little piece of little pervert Billy that smacks of wrong yet awesomeness that was the first MMOM written.

http://community.livejournal.com/mmom/310697.html

Because the Freeze Ray makes panty raids that much easier. His name does in end -ly. Which makes him a slut in denial.

[snogged.livejournal.com]

Those are both fantastic and dirty and made of win :)