![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snoggedTitle: My Junk Is You
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own How I Met Your Mother. Duncan Sheik and Steven Slater own the lyrics to “My Junk” from Spring Awakening. I don’t. Please don’t sue.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 884
Rating: FRT-13/PG-13; drinking, kissing, talk of masturbation but nothing groin-y, and a little bit of angst.
Summary: Robin gets theater tickets and makes Barney go with her. They get drunk. Fun ensues.
Spoilers: Season 4, post-"Benefits"
A/N: written as a birthday present for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
spirillen who wanted giggles and singing. And I was promised bonus points for incorporating the song: “My Junk" from the musical Spring Awakening. Hope this works for you, hun!
Beta:roland44 and idioticonion
“Two tickets. Theater District. Spring Awakening. Tonight. Who’s in?”
Robin slammed the small envelope down on the wooden table and waited for the immediate chatter of her friends to fill her ears. Milliseconds later, she realized the response she was looking for wasn’t going to come. There was only one drink on the table. Two hands instead of eight. One voice instead of four. Although she wondered where the others were tonight, she had to admit that it made her choice really easy.
“Why on earth would I want to go to the theater district with you, Scherbatsky? I mean, if you just thought about it for one second, it would make no sense at all for me to go with you.”
Robin arched an eyebrow and slid onto the bench across from him. “How about you enlighten me instead?”
Barney shrugged. “First, I wouldn’t stand out. There are too many suit-wearing types at those things. Second, all the unattached chicks there are whimpering, emotional clingers that stand outside your window, screaming the words to Mamma Mia as if it will make you want to fuck them more.”
“Come on, Barney. It could be fun. Besides, you won’t stand a chance picking up any girls if you walk into the theatre with me on your arm.”
Barney felt his breath catch inside his throat and his heart tightened inside his chest. What exactly was she trying to imply with that statement? Was it because she had finally figured him out? Did she know about his feelings? Was he going to get the response from her that he desperately craved?
Robin chuckled, noticing the weird frozen look in Barney’s shockingly blue eyes. Had his eyes always looked that incredible? Did eyes really reflect what was in a person’s soul? Because if they did, she really liked what she was seeing. “I’m kidding, Barney. The bimbos will be all over you like flies on butter. And there’s always plenty of alcohol at these things so there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Of course,” Barney murmured, forcing his voice into a lower register to keep himself from squeaking. He took a large gulp of his scotch and felt his game face slide into place. It was a sigh of relief that she hadn’t figured him out yet and to make sure she never did, he needed to keep it cool. He needed to stay on the default setting. It was the only way he was going to make it through his next decision. “Fine, Robin. I’ll go with you.”
A wide smile split across Robin’s face and Barney felt his heart warm. “You won’t regret it, Stinson. I’m going to make sure you have the time of your life.”
*~*~*~*~
“We’ve all got our junk and my junk is you!” Robin shrieked; leaning her head against Barney’s shoulder and arms flying into the air as the taxi cab pulled away from the street corner.
Barney giggled, making his nose crinkle and his eyes twinkle with delight as he tapped his finger against Robin’s cheek. “You’re a terrible singer when you’re drunk.”
Robin lifted her head and pressed the tip of her finger to Barney’s nose. “I’m not drunk,” Robin pouted, pushing out her bottom lip. “You’re drunk. I saw you have ninety… I mean, nine glasses…of... champ…” Robin’s train of thought was interrupted by a loud burp which sent her into another fit of giggles.
Barney snorted. “I can clearly hold my liquor better than you. And I can sing better too.”
“Oh yeah? Prove it!” Robin challenged, the strap of her dress sliding off her shoulder as she jerked forward slightly.
Barney straightened his shoulders and opened his mouth, hell bent on impressing her. “Well, you’ll have to excuse me. I know it’s so off. I love when you do stuff that’s so rude and wrong. I go to my room, turn the radio on. I shoot up some you in the you of some song.”
Robin’s lips twitched and she giggled again. “Which one do you whack off more too? Let’s Go To The Mall or Sandcastles in the Sand?”
“Neither. You’re hotter on Metro News One. Plus, Robin Sparkles never said what a dirty girl she was on public television.” Barney replied.
“That you know of…” Robin said, an air of mystery in her voice.
Barney’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared from excitement. “Did Robin Sparkles spank herself too?”
Robin leaned across the leather seat and captured his mouth in a kiss, taking him by surprise. After a few lingering seconds, she pulled away and smiled, mischief dancing across her face. “That’s a company secret, Barney.”
Barney exhaled sharply, the kiss and the booze making him a feel a little dizzy. Robin really was his junk. And when he got home tonight, he’d let her course through his system like the addicting drug she was. “Won’t be for long. I know a guy.”
Robin giggled again, her head finding his shoulder once more and her eyes fluttering closed as the cab continued on its way to Manhattan. This was why she liked Barney. He was such a natural goofball with her and there was never any weirdness between them because he wasn’t into the lovey-dovey stuff. It was a comfort knowing that dynamic would never change. “Of course, you do.”
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own How I Met Your Mother. Duncan Sheik and Steven Slater own the lyrics to “My Junk” from Spring Awakening. I don’t. Please don’t sue.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 884
Rating: FRT-13/PG-13; drinking, kissing, talk of masturbation but nothing groin-y, and a little bit of angst.
Summary: Robin gets theater tickets and makes Barney go with her. They get drunk. Fun ensues.
Spoilers: Season 4, post-"Benefits"
A/N: written as a birthday present for
spirillen who wanted giggles and singing. And I was promised bonus points for incorporating the song: “My Junk" from the musical Spring Awakening. Hope this works for you, hun!Beta:
roland44 and idioticonion“Two tickets. Theater District. Spring Awakening. Tonight. Who’s in?”
Robin slammed the small envelope down on the wooden table and waited for the immediate chatter of her friends to fill her ears. Milliseconds later, she realized the response she was looking for wasn’t going to come. There was only one drink on the table. Two hands instead of eight. One voice instead of four. Although she wondered where the others were tonight, she had to admit that it made her choice really easy.
“Why on earth would I want to go to the theater district with you, Scherbatsky? I mean, if you just thought about it for one second, it would make no sense at all for me to go with you.”
Robin arched an eyebrow and slid onto the bench across from him. “How about you enlighten me instead?”
Barney shrugged. “First, I wouldn’t stand out. There are too many suit-wearing types at those things. Second, all the unattached chicks there are whimpering, emotional clingers that stand outside your window, screaming the words to Mamma Mia as if it will make you want to fuck them more.”
“Come on, Barney. It could be fun. Besides, you won’t stand a chance picking up any girls if you walk into the theatre with me on your arm.”
Barney felt his breath catch inside his throat and his heart tightened inside his chest. What exactly was she trying to imply with that statement? Was it because she had finally figured him out? Did she know about his feelings? Was he going to get the response from her that he desperately craved?
Robin chuckled, noticing the weird frozen look in Barney’s shockingly blue eyes. Had his eyes always looked that incredible? Did eyes really reflect what was in a person’s soul? Because if they did, she really liked what she was seeing. “I’m kidding, Barney. The bimbos will be all over you like flies on butter. And there’s always plenty of alcohol at these things so there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Of course,” Barney murmured, forcing his voice into a lower register to keep himself from squeaking. He took a large gulp of his scotch and felt his game face slide into place. It was a sigh of relief that she hadn’t figured him out yet and to make sure she never did, he needed to keep it cool. He needed to stay on the default setting. It was the only way he was going to make it through his next decision. “Fine, Robin. I’ll go with you.”
A wide smile split across Robin’s face and Barney felt his heart warm. “You won’t regret it, Stinson. I’m going to make sure you have the time of your life.”
*~*~*~*~
“We’ve all got our junk and my junk is you!” Robin shrieked; leaning her head against Barney’s shoulder and arms flying into the air as the taxi cab pulled away from the street corner.
Barney giggled, making his nose crinkle and his eyes twinkle with delight as he tapped his finger against Robin’s cheek. “You’re a terrible singer when you’re drunk.”
Robin lifted her head and pressed the tip of her finger to Barney’s nose. “I’m not drunk,” Robin pouted, pushing out her bottom lip. “You’re drunk. I saw you have ninety… I mean, nine glasses…of... champ…” Robin’s train of thought was interrupted by a loud burp which sent her into another fit of giggles.
Barney snorted. “I can clearly hold my liquor better than you. And I can sing better too.”
“Oh yeah? Prove it!” Robin challenged, the strap of her dress sliding off her shoulder as she jerked forward slightly.
Barney straightened his shoulders and opened his mouth, hell bent on impressing her. “Well, you’ll have to excuse me. I know it’s so off. I love when you do stuff that’s so rude and wrong. I go to my room, turn the radio on. I shoot up some you in the you of some song.”
Robin’s lips twitched and she giggled again. “Which one do you whack off more too? Let’s Go To The Mall or Sandcastles in the Sand?”
“Neither. You’re hotter on Metro News One. Plus, Robin Sparkles never said what a dirty girl she was on public television.” Barney replied.
“That you know of…” Robin said, an air of mystery in her voice.
Barney’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared from excitement. “Did Robin Sparkles spank herself too?”
Robin leaned across the leather seat and captured his mouth in a kiss, taking him by surprise. After a few lingering seconds, she pulled away and smiled, mischief dancing across her face. “That’s a company secret, Barney.”
Barney exhaled sharply, the kiss and the booze making him a feel a little dizzy. Robin really was his junk. And when he got home tonight, he’d let her course through his system like the addicting drug she was. “Won’t be for long. I know a guy.”
Robin giggled again, her head finding his shoulder once more and her eyes fluttering closed as the cab continued on its way to Manhattan. This was why she liked Barney. He was such a natural goofball with her and there was never any weirdness between them because he wasn’t into the lovey-dovey stuff. It was a comfort knowing that dynamic would never change. “Of course, you do.”
