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snoggedTitle: Weapon of Choice
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own the characters of How I Met Your Mother. I don’t. Please don’t sue.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 432
Rating/Warnings: FRT-13/PG-13; language, weapon talk, and hints of violence
Spoilers: Season 6.06 – “Baby Talk”
Summary: This is a story about…weapons.
A/N: All mistakes are mine.
“I’ve got this.”
She crosses the length of his living room, grabbing the samurai sword from the display before she disappears into the bedroom to do God-knows-what to the woman (Alice?) who went from kinky-hot to seriously-crazy. So crazy, in fact, that she was giving Shelly Galezby a run for her money and that chick was a total whack-job.
He can’t explain why, but he doesn’t follow her, despite the appeal of girl-on-girl carnage. Instead, he plops down on the leather sofa and contemplates the other weapons Robin could have picked up instead. He knows that she knows where they all are. She basically drew up blueprints the first time she ever stepped into his apartment because there was always a chance she couldn't get to her handbag first and she knew he was just as much of a weapons fetishist as she was.
There’s a .44 Magnum.
(Kept in the nightstand and used to woo girls who have a thing for Clint Eastwood.)
The Smith & Wesson .38.
(Hidden under floorboards two and three on the left side of the Clone Trooper, masked by that lady-friendly Oriental rug Lily had made him buy the one time she lived there.)
The sawed-off shotgun.
(Tucked behind the wall of porn. Effortlessly retrieved when The Collector, Squat, Panty Party 6, and Someone’s Getting Busty are removed.)
The stiletto dagger.
(Bathroom closet where Robin used to keep her blow dryer.)
The steak knife.
(Dude, that’s obvious.)
But no, she went for the sword. The very one he got from a Japanese businesswoman named Shoko, who shoko’d him all night long (if you know what I mean.)
A loud clanging crash yanks him roughly from his train of thought and he throws a cautious glance at the door.
Both women emerge and Alice is quick to shout “Crazy Bitch” as she charges towards the door, grabs the handle, and flings herself out into the hallway. Robin, on the other hand, merely smirks, the unsheathed blade glinting beneath the death grip she has on the handle.
“Told you I had it,” Robin replies, a proud gleam in her eyes.
“Yeah you did,” Barney says, winking.
He expects her to stay, to celebrate their victory Bro-style, but she doesn’t. She just gently places the sword back onto its hooks and makes her exit in that hot-as-all-hell style of hers.
As the door shuts in his face, Barney realizes Robin has punctured him with another weapon she came already armed with:
Feelings.
(Located right smack dab in the center of his heart. Extremely easy to spot.)
He can already feel the stab wounds forming again.
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own the characters of How I Met Your Mother. I don’t. Please don’t sue.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 432
Rating/Warnings: FRT-13/PG-13; language, weapon talk, and hints of violence
Spoilers: Season 6.06 – “Baby Talk”
Summary: This is a story about…weapons.
A/N: All mistakes are mine.
“I’ve got this.”
She crosses the length of his living room, grabbing the samurai sword from the display before she disappears into the bedroom to do God-knows-what to the woman (Alice?) who went from kinky-hot to seriously-crazy. So crazy, in fact, that she was giving Shelly Galezby a run for her money and that chick was a total whack-job.
He can’t explain why, but he doesn’t follow her, despite the appeal of girl-on-girl carnage. Instead, he plops down on the leather sofa and contemplates the other weapons Robin could have picked up instead. He knows that she knows where they all are. She basically drew up blueprints the first time she ever stepped into his apartment because there was always a chance she couldn't get to her handbag first and she knew he was just as much of a weapons fetishist as she was.
There’s a .44 Magnum.
(Kept in the nightstand and used to woo girls who have a thing for Clint Eastwood.)
The Smith & Wesson .38.
(Hidden under floorboards two and three on the left side of the Clone Trooper, masked by that lady-friendly Oriental rug Lily had made him buy the one time she lived there.)
The sawed-off shotgun.
(Tucked behind the wall of porn. Effortlessly retrieved when The Collector, Squat, Panty Party 6, and Someone’s Getting Busty are removed.)
The stiletto dagger.
(Bathroom closet where Robin used to keep her blow dryer.)
The steak knife.
(Dude, that’s obvious.)
But no, she went for the sword. The very one he got from a Japanese businesswoman named Shoko, who shoko’d him all night long (if you know what I mean.)
A loud clanging crash yanks him roughly from his train of thought and he throws a cautious glance at the door.
Both women emerge and Alice is quick to shout “Crazy Bitch” as she charges towards the door, grabs the handle, and flings herself out into the hallway. Robin, on the other hand, merely smirks, the unsheathed blade glinting beneath the death grip she has on the handle.
“Told you I had it,” Robin replies, a proud gleam in her eyes.
“Yeah you did,” Barney says, winking.
He expects her to stay, to celebrate their victory Bro-style, but she doesn’t. She just gently places the sword back onto its hooks and makes her exit in that hot-as-all-hell style of hers.
As the door shuts in his face, Barney realizes Robin has punctured him with another weapon she came already armed with:
Feelings.
(Located right smack dab in the center of his heart. Extremely easy to spot.)
He can already feel the stab wounds forming again.