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snoggedTitle: If You Were Gay…
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns the characters. I own none of it. The people who made “Avenue Q” own the lyrics to “If You Were Gay.”
Pairing: Spike/Angel, Spike/Lindsey
Rating: R
Warnings: m/m, blowjobs, sexual innuendo, implied voyeurism, a little daddy!kink
A/N: This is a rare attempt at humor. I hope it worked. This is unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine.
“’Morning, mate.” Spike hopped onto Angel’s desk and lit the cigarette dangling between his lips. “You’ll never guessed what happened to me on the way in here.”
The older vampire rolled his eyes. “I’m not interested, Spike. Can you get off my desk?”
Spike smirked but didn’t budge. “So that hot little Texan, Lindsey, was totally hitting on me. He kept batting his eyelashes and wanted me to go in the elevator with him. I think the little slut thinks I’m gay.”
“And why should I care? I’ve got a multi-million dollar law firm to run. I don’t really give a shit if Lindsey was blowing you in the middle of the hallway.”
“I just thought we should talk about this, peaches. I mean, I wanted to let you know that if you were gay, I’d be perfectly all right with it.”
“Excuse me?” Angel looked at him. “I am not gay. Remember the nuns? And the courtesans in Italy? And Drusilla? I fucked her lights out on a nightly basis.”
Spike shrugged. “I’m just saying if you were gay, I’d still be around. Wouldn’t leave your side or nothing. You can tell me anything, you know. I’d be totally accepting.”
“Oh goody. Does that mean if I’m straight, you’ll go away?”
Spike chuckled. “Nah. ‘Cause I know you’re not.” He took a long drag of his cigarette and blew smoke rings into Angel’s face.
Angel wrinkled his nose in disgust and tapped his pen against the desk. “Why do you smoke those filthy things?”
“’Cause I can. Not like they’re gonna kill me. I’m dead already. But seriously, Angel, it’s totally cool if you’re queer. I know you’d accept me if I was.”
Angel growled, his game face shifting to the surface. “Spike, we are not having this conversation.”
Spike grinned, knowing full well that he was doing a bang up job pressing Angel’s buttons. “You know I do it out of love, Captain Forehead. I bet Lindsey would totally be up for a ride on that old vampire cock. Or is Wesley more your style? He’s got the dirty, scruffy librarian look going on. I could see it. Or maybe you’re more Gunn’s type. He’s got a nice, tight body. All that rippling muscle and that big brain. I wouldn’t tell anyone if you pulled one of them up to the penthouse for a rendezvous. It would be completely hush hush.”
Angel rose from the desk and grabbed Spike’s throat, slamming him down on top of the desk. His leg wedged between Spike’s thighs and the younger vampire groaned.
“Daddy likes it rough, then.”
“Always did, Spike. Remember Venice?”
Spike’s dick hardened, tenting his jeans. “How could I forget?”
“So why were we having this conversation again?”
Spike’s eyes twinkled. “Just wanted to make sure you hadn’t changed. Oh and by the way, Lindsey did blow me in the hallway. And Wes and Gunn were watching, stroking themselves and spurting all over the walls. You might want to buzz the cleaning crew.”
Angel pressed his lips against Spike’s in a demanding kiss. “I’ll do it later. I’ve gotta prove I’m not gay.”
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns the characters. I own none of it. The people who made “Avenue Q” own the lyrics to “If You Were Gay.”
Pairing: Spike/Angel, Spike/Lindsey
Rating: R
Warnings: m/m, blowjobs, sexual innuendo, implied voyeurism, a little daddy!kink
A/N: This is a rare attempt at humor. I hope it worked. This is unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine.
“’Morning, mate.” Spike hopped onto Angel’s desk and lit the cigarette dangling between his lips. “You’ll never guessed what happened to me on the way in here.”
The older vampire rolled his eyes. “I’m not interested, Spike. Can you get off my desk?”
Spike smirked but didn’t budge. “So that hot little Texan, Lindsey, was totally hitting on me. He kept batting his eyelashes and wanted me to go in the elevator with him. I think the little slut thinks I’m gay.”
“And why should I care? I’ve got a multi-million dollar law firm to run. I don’t really give a shit if Lindsey was blowing you in the middle of the hallway.”
“I just thought we should talk about this, peaches. I mean, I wanted to let you know that if you were gay, I’d be perfectly all right with it.”
“Excuse me?” Angel looked at him. “I am not gay. Remember the nuns? And the courtesans in Italy? And Drusilla? I fucked her lights out on a nightly basis.”
Spike shrugged. “I’m just saying if you were gay, I’d still be around. Wouldn’t leave your side or nothing. You can tell me anything, you know. I’d be totally accepting.”
“Oh goody. Does that mean if I’m straight, you’ll go away?”
Spike chuckled. “Nah. ‘Cause I know you’re not.” He took a long drag of his cigarette and blew smoke rings into Angel’s face.
Angel wrinkled his nose in disgust and tapped his pen against the desk. “Why do you smoke those filthy things?”
“’Cause I can. Not like they’re gonna kill me. I’m dead already. But seriously, Angel, it’s totally cool if you’re queer. I know you’d accept me if I was.”
Angel growled, his game face shifting to the surface. “Spike, we are not having this conversation.”
Spike grinned, knowing full well that he was doing a bang up job pressing Angel’s buttons. “You know I do it out of love, Captain Forehead. I bet Lindsey would totally be up for a ride on that old vampire cock. Or is Wesley more your style? He’s got the dirty, scruffy librarian look going on. I could see it. Or maybe you’re more Gunn’s type. He’s got a nice, tight body. All that rippling muscle and that big brain. I wouldn’t tell anyone if you pulled one of them up to the penthouse for a rendezvous. It would be completely hush hush.”
Angel rose from the desk and grabbed Spike’s throat, slamming him down on top of the desk. His leg wedged between Spike’s thighs and the younger vampire groaned.
“Daddy likes it rough, then.”
“Always did, Spike. Remember Venice?”
Spike’s dick hardened, tenting his jeans. “How could I forget?”
“So why were we having this conversation again?”
Spike’s eyes twinkled. “Just wanted to make sure you hadn’t changed. Oh and by the way, Lindsey did blow me in the hallway. And Wes and Gunn were watching, stroking themselves and spurting all over the walls. You might want to buzz the cleaning crew.”
Angel pressed his lips against Spike’s in a demanding kiss. “I’ll do it later. I’ve gotta prove I’m not gay.”
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no subject
on 2008-02-14 07:37 pm (UTC)