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snoggedAnother oldie :)
Title: My Future Ex-Girlfriend
Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairings: Parker, Buffy
Rating: R, for crude sexual references
Prompt: Denial
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns them. I don’t. In addition, some of the dialogue is from the episode. The title for the piece was inspired by Voltaire's song of the same name.
Spoilers: Living Conditions, Season 4
Parker Abrams breathed in the heated air and grinned. He couldn’t deny it. He was looking forward to another year at Sunnydale University. Another year of getting drunk and getting laid.
“God, I love the sweet smell of freshman pussy in the morning,” he muttered as he walked towards the cafeteria to pick up some crappy, old-fashioned college food and chill out with Paul and James before class.
While waiting in line, a short, blonde cutie ducked in front of him and Parker felt his dick twitch.
“Ex-boyfriend or loan shark?” He quipped, feeling witty. She turned to look at him and Parker got an image of all the nasty things he wanted to do her. She had such pouty lips. They’d look even better wrapped around his dick but there was time for that later.
And then she admitted it. She was a freshman. Parker’s favorite. Freshman girls were always so cute and innocent and confused. And this girl looked like the grand prize winner in the perky, dumb blonde category.
They reached the cashier and handed over their cards to be punched. She smiled at him and offered to let him sit with her friends.
Of course, he declined. He was certain he’d see her again. She was eating out of the palm of his hand in the lunch line and soon she’s be licking the cum off his dick in the bedroom. He had to build up the trust first and of course, win her over with the sob story.
He headed over to James and Paul and grinned. “See that blonde hottie, boys?” He pointed to where Buffy was sitting. Buffy noticed and smiled. “There is no denying it. She’s gonna be my future ex-girlfriend.”
Title: My Future Ex-Girlfriend
Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairings: Parker, Buffy
Rating: R, for crude sexual references
Prompt: Denial
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns them. I don’t. In addition, some of the dialogue is from the episode. The title for the piece was inspired by Voltaire's song of the same name.
Spoilers: Living Conditions, Season 4
Parker Abrams breathed in the heated air and grinned. He couldn’t deny it. He was looking forward to another year at Sunnydale University. Another year of getting drunk and getting laid.
“God, I love the sweet smell of freshman pussy in the morning,” he muttered as he walked towards the cafeteria to pick up some crappy, old-fashioned college food and chill out with Paul and James before class.
While waiting in line, a short, blonde cutie ducked in front of him and Parker felt his dick twitch.
“Ex-boyfriend or loan shark?” He quipped, feeling witty. She turned to look at him and Parker got an image of all the nasty things he wanted to do her. She had such pouty lips. They’d look even better wrapped around his dick but there was time for that later.
And then she admitted it. She was a freshman. Parker’s favorite. Freshman girls were always so cute and innocent and confused. And this girl looked like the grand prize winner in the perky, dumb blonde category.
They reached the cashier and handed over their cards to be punched. She smiled at him and offered to let him sit with her friends.
Of course, he declined. He was certain he’d see her again. She was eating out of the palm of his hand in the lunch line and soon she’s be licking the cum off his dick in the bedroom. He had to build up the trust first and of course, win her over with the sob story.
He headed over to James and Paul and grinned. “See that blonde hottie, boys?” He pointed to where Buffy was sitting. Buffy noticed and smiled. “There is no denying it. She’s gonna be my future ex-girlfriend.”
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on 2008-11-12 03:06 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-07-24 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2013-02-18 08:58 pm (UTC)I don't think I've read any fic from Parker's POV, but this is really really well done IMHO. It's just so amazingly blunt and nonchalant - just another day at the office for this guy. (Parker here also sounds like the sort of guy at the corporation who would fire people before Christmas without blinking.)
A lot of the language used here is the sort of thing I tend to avoid in my reading because I'm a prude (or, I am but I'm not, if that makes sense?) But "licking the cum off his dick" is terrific here because it's not meant to be "sexy", but quite the opposite. Total jackassery. Beer Bad is one of my favorite "underrated" eps just for the verbal and physical smackdown he receives from Willow and Buffy. (And the jerk still got off easy.)
“God, I love the sweet smell of freshman pussy in the morning,”
That theft of the line from Apocalypse Now from someone who thinks he's smart and cool and clever is just too perfect here. BTW -are you also making a reference to the use of that movie in Xander's dream in Restless? (If not, smile and say you intended it.)
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on 2013-02-18 11:21 pm (UTC)I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I figured when I got inside Parker's head that I would find a preview for National Lampoon's Van Wilder playing in the background so I'm glad it worked for you.
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on 2013-02-18 11:27 pm (UTC)Is that a Barney/Lily icon? what season is that shot from? (I've only seen through the end of S7, so no S8 spoilers pretty please.)
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on 2013-02-18 11:29 pm (UTC)I'm a huge Barney/Lily fan!
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on 2013-02-18 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2013-02-19 02:55 pm (UTC)I'd also forgotten about AH's awful tan, but I do love Lily and marshall together. My one regret about that show is that they don't give AH better material, IMO; maybe BtVS spoiled me in that regard.
Maybe it's just me, but that scene where Barney is telling Ted to "take it" (his manhood, aka don't do the dishes anymore), for about two seconds i was reminded of Sleeper: "Take her, taste her, make her weak". And the resemblance in my head made me giggle and made Barney seem a lot more evil this time. :)