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snoggedTitle: Zombie Strippers
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own How I Met Your Mother. I don’t. Please don’t sue. There's also a special reference to Monty Python that I don't own either.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 474
Rating: FRM/R; sexual situations, zombie talk, crack
Summary: Robin and Barney watch Zombie Strippers (which by the way is so fantastically crack-tastic that everyone should watch it...that is if they like zombies)
Spoilers: Post-"Old King Clancy"
A/N: This isn't set in the classic Afterdeath!verse that so many folks are playing in seeing as Barney's not actually a zombie and neither is Robin... but I really want to dedicate this to all the crazy folks that love zombies as much as I do.
The screen faded to black and white text rolled across the screen. Actors. Producers. Directors. Caterers. There was no doubt they deserved the recognition but Robin had no interest in finding out who they all were.
"That was fucked up, Stinson. Really and truly fucked up. I mean, I thought I had seen my fair share of fucked up cinema but I think this takes the cake."
A wide grin split Barney's face in half. "I know! It was hot, right? Especially the ping pong scene. That takes sheer talent."
Robin arched an eyebrow. "Seriously? You think popping balls out of your vagina takes talent? I've been on the receiving end for a Musty Goaltender and that, my friend, takes talent...and a couple of hockey pucks."
Barney's eyes widened and his index finger shot up in the air as if he had the greatest lightbulb moment known to man. "You should be a stripper."
"What?!" Robin sputtered. "Why on earth would you think that's a good idea?"
"Well, you're hot and you would look incredible with your legs wrapped around a pole." His lips twitched in a devious smirk. "I know they looked great wrapped around mine."
Robin exhaled sharply and punched him lightly in the shoulder. She thought back to the movie they just watched and she felt her stomach twist and churn. He didn't just want her to be a stripper. He wanted her to be a zombie stripper. "Why do I get the feeling that's not all your thinking?"
Barney blanched, realizing he'd been busted. "Oh come on! You'd look so gorgeous drenched in blood and guts. And you can pull off any outfit. I've seen it with my own eyes. You'd be raking in the money and all you'd have to do is reanimate your flesh a little bit."
Robin chuckled. "Better be careful, Barney. Or I might give you a face dance." She leaned over and nipped at his cheek, growling playfully.
Barney groaned, feeling his cock harden and twitch, seeking escape from the confines of his suit. "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..."
Robin snickered, twisting her body until she was straddling his lap. Her legs pressed hard against his thighs and her lips pressed against his forehead, nipping at the smooth flesh. Barney gulped, digging his fingers into the couch cushions, waiting for her to assault him in whatever way she deemed necessary.
Turned out he didn't need to get her drunk or make her nostalgic to get her in bed again...he just had to show her dirty zombie movies. He couldn't help but love the fact that Robin was such a kinky bitch.
A smile tugged at the corners of Robin's lips and she ran her tongue along his cheek. "Love is dead, baby. Brains are so much better."
Author: snogged
Disclaimer: Carter Bays and Craig Thomas own How I Met Your Mother. I don’t. Please don’t sue. There's also a special reference to Monty Python that I don't own either.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word Count: 474
Rating: FRM/R; sexual situations, zombie talk, crack
Summary: Robin and Barney watch Zombie Strippers (which by the way is so fantastically crack-tastic that everyone should watch it...that is if they like zombies)
Spoilers: Post-"Old King Clancy"
A/N: This isn't set in the classic Afterdeath!verse that so many folks are playing in seeing as Barney's not actually a zombie and neither is Robin... but I really want to dedicate this to all the crazy folks that love zombies as much as I do.
The screen faded to black and white text rolled across the screen. Actors. Producers. Directors. Caterers. There was no doubt they deserved the recognition but Robin had no interest in finding out who they all were.
"That was fucked up, Stinson. Really and truly fucked up. I mean, I thought I had seen my fair share of fucked up cinema but I think this takes the cake."
A wide grin split Barney's face in half. "I know! It was hot, right? Especially the ping pong scene. That takes sheer talent."
Robin arched an eyebrow. "Seriously? You think popping balls out of your vagina takes talent? I've been on the receiving end for a Musty Goaltender and that, my friend, takes talent...and a couple of hockey pucks."
Barney's eyes widened and his index finger shot up in the air as if he had the greatest lightbulb moment known to man. "You should be a stripper."
"What?!" Robin sputtered. "Why on earth would you think that's a good idea?"
"Well, you're hot and you would look incredible with your legs wrapped around a pole." His lips twitched in a devious smirk. "I know they looked great wrapped around mine."
Robin exhaled sharply and punched him lightly in the shoulder. She thought back to the movie they just watched and she felt her stomach twist and churn. He didn't just want her to be a stripper. He wanted her to be a zombie stripper. "Why do I get the feeling that's not all your thinking?"
Barney blanched, realizing he'd been busted. "Oh come on! You'd look so gorgeous drenched in blood and guts. And you can pull off any outfit. I've seen it with my own eyes. You'd be raking in the money and all you'd have to do is reanimate your flesh a little bit."
Robin chuckled. "Better be careful, Barney. Or I might give you a face dance." She leaned over and nipped at his cheek, growling playfully.
Barney groaned, feeling his cock harden and twitch, seeking escape from the confines of his suit. "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..."
Robin snickered, twisting her body until she was straddling his lap. Her legs pressed hard against his thighs and her lips pressed against his forehead, nipping at the smooth flesh. Barney gulped, digging his fingers into the couch cushions, waiting for her to assault him in whatever way she deemed necessary.
Turned out he didn't need to get her drunk or make her nostalgic to get her in bed again...he just had to show her dirty zombie movies. He couldn't help but love the fact that Robin was such a kinky bitch.
A smile tugged at the corners of Robin's lips and she ran her tongue along his cheek. "Love is dead, baby. Brains are so much better."
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no subject
on 2009-03-26 08:07 pm (UTC)Loved this. Zombie Strippers sounds like the best movie ever. And Barney got Robin by just being himself, after all.
I don't see the Python reference (possibly the caterers? It's been a while since I've seen anything by them). Whatever. This was awesome.
no subject
on 2009-03-26 08:09 pm (UTC)Python reference: "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me. I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too. Life will be fine if we both 69. If we sit on our faces in all different places and play till we're blown away!"
SIT ON MY FACE!!!!!
on 2009-03-26 08:42 pm (UTC)And for having Robin hungry for brains.
Now we need to flip-flop the afterdeath universe to have robin die. And she'd definitely go after barney and cut his skull open! Probably while shagging him.
Re: SIT ON MY FACE!!!!!
on 2009-03-26 09:33 pm (UTC)Or you know...Barney could just turn Robin into a zombie. And then you could write some really porny zombie smut. They could rip each other tongues out and totally destroy each other in their lusty need for hot sex.
Re: SIT ON MY FACE!!!!!
on 2009-03-26 10:22 pm (UTC)~Or just bite her when she's alive?
Re: SIT ON MY FACE!!!!!
on 2009-04-06 05:51 am (UTC)That's how most zombie creation stories happen :)
no subject
on 2009-03-26 10:34 pm (UTC)What does crack me, do you mean like the drug? I hope you don't do drugs but I love you and if you did I'd never tell.
no subject
on 2009-03-26 11:46 pm (UTC)And no, I don't do drugs.
no subject
on 2009-03-27 12:33 am (UTC)You're the best Ms. Butterfly Willowey Goddess that I love.
no subject
on 2009-03-27 06:56 am (UTC)LOL! They are such a cracky couple indeed! ;) This was brilliant and hotttttt *melts*
no subject
on 2009-03-28 04:11 am (UTC)Thanks hunny!!
no subject
on 2009-03-28 07:25 pm (UTC)What a great idea for these two to hook up!
Awesome baby!
no subject
on 2009-03-31 03:02 pm (UTC)"Zombie Strippers" is just so classy :)